Wednesday, January 12, 2005
yes, i've mia-ed for quite abit now. and it's definitly due to work and nothing else. honest!
so i'm organising a gig for charity while trying to get through with school. loads is lined up in the coming year, though it has been barely a month! well, see, sometimes i can foreeeesee! hahaha. ryyyyte.
i was just reading my archives and all. and i notice how much i miss my trip to newyork, though there were alot of mini-shittes. i noticed, most importantly, how i still can't manage with my gram's passing till today. it's been a year and a month already. but no, it's still not ok.
so does that mean i'm bad with death? that i'm selfish? that i'm weak? i dont know or care about the connotations. but losing things is definitly not in my books. and in this case, my grams. i absolutly cannot handle it.
and it's sad to note that she didn't leave in peace.
and it's sad to note that her last conversation with her was so painful.
she was trying to tell me things in cantonese and her pronounciation wasn't too clear. she started feeling inferior and insisted that she's stupid for not being able to convey the message to me. but the truth is, i'm the idiot. it hurts, it pierces. i can't handle it, yet i still need to walk on.
the whole inspirational jingchangcong on how the road gets tougher and it'll toughen u up thing? i don't know how i can continue to see sense it anymore. cos seriously, why can't i breakdown? can i not?!
this is hell insanity. i terribly insist that this is damnnn awful.
school's just a similiar platform to showcase insanity and irregularity. hmmm. so is that suppose to be a connotation for creativity? gee.
christy the great.
i like nonsense
i love tangle
